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Listen & Speak

By Guy Harris

"5 Steps to Better Listening"

1. Listen to understand, not to respond

Effective listening goes beyond hearing someone's words. Effective listening creates an environment where the other person feels that you understand them.

This tip applies to attitude more than it does to behavior. Many people view dialogue like a tennis match where the two parties square off and hit the ball back-and-forth. In this approach to conversation, both parties are adversaries trying to "score the point."

To listen effectively, I suggest that you view dialogue more like a pitcher and catcher in a baseball game. The pitcher (speaker) throws the ball for the catcher (you) to receive it. The catcher only throws the ball back after he has it firmly in his grasp.

In other words, listen to receive the meaning. Once you understand, then you can respond.

2. Be quiet

Being quiet gives you the opportunity to hear the words, the tone, and the meaning behind the words. It gives you the chance to observe the speaker's body language.

To help you remember this tip, I'll share two quick statements with you:

  • "When your mouth is open, your ears are closed."
  • "LISTEN and SILENT have the same letters."

3. Let them finish their thoughts

In other words, don't interrupt the speaker. From the previous tip, this idea seems obvious. However, I have seen many arguments and misunderstandings that stemmed from interruptions. It's hard to remain silent. It's even harder to remain silent until someone has completely expressed their idea.

4. Maintain eye contact

Effective listening means observing everything about the speaker's message. People communicate at least as much with their body language as they do with their words. Good listeners learn to "listen" with their eyes as well as with their ears.

If you choose to work on something else (answer e-mail, fill out paperwork, etc.) while someone is speaking to you, they will not "feel" that they were heard.

5. Ask questions to ensure that you understand

Just because you heard the words and observed the body language, don't assume that you understand. If a particular point is unclear to you, ask a question to clarify it before you respond.

Even if you think you understand the message, make sure you do by clarifying it with the speaker. You might say something like:

  • "Just to be sure I understand you, let me repeat back to you what I thought you said..."
  • "I heard you say... Is that correct?"
  • "If I understand correctly, your concern is..."

Listen and speak-The official Oxford University Press ELT website provides information and resources for ELT teachers, students, and professionals worldwide.

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